I get bored a lot, so I like to do sociological experiments just to see how people react. Some folks call these “pranks”, but I am an intellectual…so these are experiments. Also, you can’t apply for grant money when you call them “pranks”, and I like to keep my options open. For this particular prank…er, I mean experiment…I had decided to target two people who I had never seen laugh in my entire life. The goal was fairly good-natured: I was going to use funny tees to bring some joy to the joyless.
My Nanna was the sourest person I have ever met. I think that during the Great Depression, she might have had to sell her sense of humor to buy her kids dinner one night, or something. The fact is, that I have never seen this woman even smile. I know she had hard times growing up and it wasn’t until dad bought her a condo that she was ever really financially stable. Whatever her problem, funny shirts were about to make this woman smile.
I will only consider the first of my two subjects as a partial victory, because I never actually heard my granny laugh. I knew that older folks like physical comedy, so I wore a shirt with the Three Stooges hitting each other with pies on it. Not the most complicated of funny apparel, but it’s all I had to work with. When I told my Nanna to look at my shirt, she just made this weird sound in the back of her throat and wheeled away in her scooter. I’m not sure if that was a laugh, or not. That’s why it was a partial victory. Me: 1, Great Depression: 0.
The next pin that must fall was this gun-toting maniac that I know of. I had a hard choice between him and this Baptist preacher I had heard of that was saying some pretty shady things that verged on support of those Westboro maniacs. It was a tough choice. I had the possibility of my funny t shirts either getting me shot or damned for all eternity. I decided on just getting shot…there’s a chance I could survive that.
This ex-marine madman has always hated me. This might be because I dated this man’s daughter for three years of high school and one of college. He hated me before I broke up with her and kept hating me after, which confused me since I thought that our breakup would perhaps make him happy. I looked through my vast collection of funny tshirts and found won with a giant woman on it saying “Who farted?”. I was ready for the challenge.
When I knocked on this guy’s door, he answered just about as sourly as I expected. No cordial greeting for me, or anyone else for that matter. I realized that I had made a huge mistake and my playful nature was about to be my downfall. I froze for a moment while I stared at me, getting madder by the moment. I couldn’t think clearly, so I just took my shirt off, threw it in his hands, and said “SORRY!” as I ran back to my bike. I was a little disbelieving as I rode away, but I swear I heard that man laughing. Was it my funny t-shirt that made him laugh, or me riding away with no shirt on? Whatever it was…mission accomplished.